i know you know best
even though my heart
feels shattered
i know
you know best



i want to fly away right now.

last night,
i dreamt of running quickly in a dark airport
to board a plane
i did not care that i was alone
i did not care that i would fly for 13 hours
it did not matter who i left...


i sit in tears
because i am torn away displaced
i am not apart of that rising day

i will pray Lord
I will give this burning
thrashing
hungry desire to run,
to you
i have nothing else to do than that


i have to keep my red journal closed tight
a rubber band around it
when i open it
a flood of water consumes my tiny room
my big window casts rays of sun
and i swim above to get some air
swimming in my tears
of longing
each page burns at my touch.

i never thought i could want as this.
i miss i miss. them.
so much.

and they could never know of this consistent sorrow
that i keep hidden even from myself
so as not to spin my life into some hole
and not enjoy the beauty that i have now, that awaits even now in store.