repent

repent
you call to me
me? wretched?
how can i be able to turn
God what do i do?
leave all fiend hard
become a fool for you?
broken,
i must look away
no strength inside to save
what now do i stop?
all my tears spread out for you to mop?
sin no more you whisper, knelling down
but how can i be holy
with no strength to turn around?
you give me your hand
making all things new
only you can make me
turn, trust and follow you.

i am a mess. so are you.

if you saw the well spring inside of me you
would be afraid.
my deep turbulent waves,
they are too much weight.
heavy in my own chest,
falling
and breaking and leaking
through
a pounding drum heart
splashing vivid orange and red
covering the open world, gray
and unprepared.
people watch they blink
and whisper
"absurd".
i just ignore.
bend down and mop
my sick mess
on the floor
and wonder how to stop the flow
that is so offensive
with no control.
why doesn't my heart stay quiet and neat?
why must it pulsate and leak?
those girls, they walk
with gentle smiles
coy eyes; tempered mild,
they pass by ---
.dry.
and me?
i hold all this
in my chest
the rest dripping from
my open palms
pours from my fingers.
exposed;
a mess.

roughly my convo with Q today

mo: how do u surrender good things to God? like a person?
quina: well you have to everday
mo: o
quina: its a daily surrender, picking up your cross
mo: ya i guess i was thinking it would just hit me.. and then the day would come that i truly surrender that thing
and those songs"i surrender all" ive been singing God i want to surrender all!"
quina: we need His help!

fesit- if you havent listened to her.. please do!

this is how i feel about feist and her musical genius-


"This is how my heart behaves"

it takes me to a snowy part of the woods
and then to log cabins and apple ciders

and London and flowers and

cups of tea.

its gold liquid sunshine

in a cup

to drink 

and sometimes

it spills on white

table clothes 

making them better

and bright.

its like walking
so slow 

on a breezy

warm day

tall grass

a fortress guarding a smooth path

touch the

stalks

and your fingers are alive

white dress moves in the air

each crisp step

floating on 

spiraling black notes

tea cups still spilling

gold sun

and it catches inside your eyes...

they are gold too.

Do the thing you fear.

do i want what i want,
or do i want what He wants
no matter what it might cost?



"My heart, I knew, would forever be a lonely hunter
unless settled where true joys are to be found."-- Elizabeth Elliot

Love,
Let your hands stay open with my gifts.

dont clench them so
that you do not see me
that you forget who lowered them into your open palms
keep them open for me
and trust that
I know best
when to give
when to take away
keep your hands open
and eyes upwards towards me


"let your heart always be on trail before God"


Do you love me more than________?