oh sweet indolence
thou will be
the death of me
sip deep coffee
grown on the bright
side of the world
here in a quiet room
rapture the silence with rich
music
please.

abba
show me how to 
trust
trust
trust you
instead of heaping my head
with ashes and dust
wearing a tin crown of worry.
abba abba
you clothe the flowers of the field
they are here today
and float away tomorrow.
abba you withhold
nothing
nothing
good.
you are 
my good father
and you know me well
and you know deeply
what i need.
even when i cry-
"i want abba i want------"
you silence me gently
you quiet my complaints
and you show me your jealous 
 love 
enveloping me 
wooing me.
here,
take my plastic pearls
ill wait for the real ones
should i cry if they do not come?
can i?
abba you are still mine..
how can i repine?

in other words...
i love you.

invisible

you
make me feel
like ann hathaway
in princess diaries
but not the pretty princess
dressed in pale blue
spinning around the
gold christened room
no.
but the girl with frizzy dark hair
legs sprawled
blending with the sad walls
eyes pasted on the cement ground.
she is silent.

She who sat on a bench alone,
and you sat on her and yelled
OH MY!
then walked away briskly
in disbelief that you accidentally sat on a person-
that unsightly creature
whom you did not notice.
yes,
i was to you as a cement bench-
you took a bend
and ran!

rescuer of Beasts

you looked at me and i was ashamed
i looked wild and unkept
blind tretcherous and dark
but you kept me fore you and watched me run
and tear
myself apart
and anyone
who dared
to wound---
me
i was a beast in front of you
and you stopped me
threw an arrow into my bitter heart
and let me fall apart
you held me while i cried
and you healed me picked me up and took me inside
cleaned me up and made me your bride
i didnt know how to laugh how to live
i walked in every direction
almost fell off a cliff
but you took me by my right hand
and guided me gently
you touched my troubled eyes
and gave me vision to see
your unfailing love for..... me?
Somedays i forget where to walk
and then i choose my lonely paths
acting out savagely
still i remember that isn't who i am
and then i am lovingly brought back
to the only place where i can be
clean forgiven and free.

clinging desperately
beside
Christ
the rescuer
of beasts.

repent

repent
you call to me
me? wretched?
how can i be able to turn
God what do i do?
leave all fiend hard
become a fool for you?
broken,
i must look away
no strength inside to save
what now do i stop?
all my tears spread out for you to mop?
sin no more you whisper, knelling down
but how can i be holy
with no strength to turn around?
you give me your hand
making all things new
only you can make me
turn, trust and follow you.

i am a mess. so are you.

if you saw the well spring inside of me you
would be afraid.
my deep turbulent waves,
they are too much weight.
heavy in my own chest,
falling
and breaking and leaking
through
a pounding drum heart
splashing vivid orange and red
covering the open world, gray
and unprepared.
people watch they blink
and whisper
"absurd".
i just ignore.
bend down and mop
my sick mess
on the floor
and wonder how to stop the flow
that is so offensive
with no control.
why doesn't my heart stay quiet and neat?
why must it pulsate and leak?
those girls, they walk
with gentle smiles
coy eyes; tempered mild,
they pass by ---
.dry.
and me?
i hold all this
in my chest
the rest dripping from
my open palms
pours from my fingers.
exposed;
a mess.