Norte

Knees bent
crouched with desperate intent-
Norte!
I fling myself to thee!
But you-
Sir,
stay there in Sur.
Please
keep that nice suit
and still
smile
and handcuff your
thigh
to the Sur side.
Your smile
crumbles and
folds
and dusts away old
you are nothing but
a hill of rot
and lust
and silky sighs and lies
that sizzle and fry
sticky hearts
thrashing throbbing and alive
like mine.
You wont have time
to step close
as you steady that smile hun,
I will run
panting hard
Norte
towards the sun.

April (Inspired by The Wasteland...and Real Events in My April)

"April is the cruelest month"
breaking new holes
and filling old ones
screaming loudly and open
randrops heavy and
stone
cold withered scabs
open windows
thrown blankets
boxes packed with books and moth letters
eyes alert in dark mornings
shifting, searching, mourning.
Curtains aback
light stinging, scorching,
burning, killing, ripping,
and opening
to bandaid
to purge
wreckage cleared spotless.
absent you
farewell,
i say
adieu.

we were wrong
dead wrong
dead spinning too
fast
and you pretended
pretended
till you couldnt anymore
and so did i
i tried to get
all in my head
in my heart
but it could never fit
right
and you were so far away
i could never hold on to you
i always thought i was a pretty accessory
i go with your shoes
and the steps that you take
would be mine too
but my craving for the outside
would rule
my wildness for life
would kill you
and your calculations
would kill me
how could we know?
when all we had were smiles
and entangled fingers
how did it crash into a dark mess of glass
on the floor?
i would lie a terrible lie
to say i dont miss you
the you i believed you were
with all my fears and
hesitations
i miss you the one who loved me more than
i thought anyone could
but you never knew me
and i never knew you
we loved phantoms
pieced together with glue
and stamps
and letters
that were never you and i
at all
you run you ran away
when i fall
i fall alone
and you are no one but a clone
of them and what you think is right
no critics allowed to wake you aloud with a cry
you are dumb and deaf to
love
to life
to sacrifice
you have you and you are enough
you have the open page to fill your godliness full of
never giving a thing
never missing a command
never loving like He did.
i cry when i think of you trapped in you.
i wish i could save you.
i wish i could save you from your values that eat you up into
nothing
if you do not have love you are nothing minister
nothing but a waste
i wish i could save you but you are gone
so gone no crying and screaming
can penetrate your heavy eyes
and i still have life in mine.

Sometimes
i just want
to disapear
like a fading
light
a paper
burning
softly in
blue
moonlight
and scale away
till
im nothing but
a mite
sometimes I long
to give up
the fight

im ready to
give up
throw the towl in the wet floor
take my model number
turn me in
i cant function anymore
give up
i see the fight in me going ary
like light waves being clenched
by the hand of a rebel spy
i dont flinch when you cry
am still as a smooth pill
i willow out and climb
away
your complaints are
another badge on my poor
display
i wear it proud now
unsoldier walking down now
tired to prove
tired to pretend im fixed and mended
im not
and im chopped up
particles twisted and jagged
cutting up and messin up
everything worth having
cant get away from model 289
you think i should be a shiny dime
but im due for expolsion
im only consuming and exploiting
craving and failing
trying and falling
calling and shut out
and shouted at
measure me
youll send me back
to short to establish rank
close my eyes and scream thunder
shrill to the bones
till you leave me alone

i want it all
and nothing at all
i want things
that are nothing
i want them for nothing
what do we want that
is worth wanting anyways
do we want anything out of purity
or do our hungry souls
direct our wanderings, decisions, duties?

i will never know
i follow a winding road
i want to decide on my own
what is sweet and what is torn
i can not tell the difference sometimes
between beauty and dark lies
if it is up to me
i chase vanity
and she always blames me in the end
always welcomes me as a friend
always shuts the door and
does not let me in and leaves me banging hard
for some tea and scones
she leaves me outside to drown
in the rain
she does not care because that is who she is
there today
and gone tomorrow
a fickle worthless
friend
vanity
she will fade in the wind
i want nothing at all
i want things that are nothing
i want them for nothing.

pungent
air sticks
unrelentingly
unto
your thick
lungs
inhale
but don't let out
savor
the ringing
of those words
jagged pure
riddled soft
over coarse waves keep
them
inside you until
tears they fall into
open palms