where do i find my worth?
my affirmation?
my confirmation?
my approval?
where do i begin?
me? the real me?
and where does the molded me begin?
the sculpted image?
that grows and reshapes?
according to
other human beings, fallible corrupting
as myself?
why doesnt this source within me
who i am
grow
and spring forth
from your eternal
spring
your powerful words
how is it that i am shaped
by lesser things
and lesser thoughts
about who i am
how is it that i dont solidify my being
in who YOU say that i am Lord?

John 21:1-7

1 Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: 2 Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. 3 "I'm going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We'll go with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. 4 Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. 5 He called out to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?" "No," they answered. 6 He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. 7
Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.

Lord make me run to you no matter what anyone else is doing with no question!

I'm finding myself in this place,
where i only feel okay-
sitting at Your feet.
.and handing you the things i think i need.
When the world around me fades away
and You, alone-
become the author,
and perfecter
of my faith.

scribbled notes from today..the start of a longer cry to God. thank the Lord for writing as release!

my heart is weeping
it trembles inside
my fragile chest
the tears from it
are burning
they run hot
through me.

oct 25 after womens retreat

i can truly say
that i feel blessed
i dont know how you do it God
how you love me
with this steadfast love
and somehow you choose to restore me
even when i run away with my fears.
u are still
here
and your word still floods in
and overpowers my fearful
doubting
sin stained
heart.
and you shine brand new light
in its dark corners
again
and again
your love never
fails
it
endures
and remains
and restores
and i do not know why
but
you are my God.
and i am yours
and i am thankful. :)

Christian retreats and the like are all about the Word. other motives fall to the wayside. the word gives LIFE.

Father, help my unbelief.