i want to run
a thousand miles
away.
where no one
knows me
where i am free of shame
where i dont look needy
but simple
and care free...
but i cant
run away from me.
from the fact that no one can fill
my empty heart
no matter how much love they pour , pour out
i am still left parched..
afraid that soon ill push every one away..
because i search for love and more in their wake
but no one can give me enough
to smile.
i left the river of Life
and my pale is
tossed to  the side.
ive tried to pick it up and pull for more
but the water slips out
of the bottom from some rusty holes
ive patched them up but somehow the
water still breaks through
and i am left wondering
what happened to me
and You.

i can not expect Your life
when i keep 
clenching tight to mine.

i keep coming back to you
let me
respond to you
let me respond
to you
for what you have done
for how you allowed me to
awake
in consciousness
and feel
and breath
in a world
you designed
for your glory.
let me look up to you and
scream of joy
because you
are here
dont let me God
walk with my eyes on myself
dont let me
worship
other people
other things
show me how God
to love you
look how i close my mind to your magesty!
your greatness your holiness!
look how i walk away
and tell myself
to forget you
to focus on
the here and now
but you are here and now
and you were then and will be
and you
are the only One who knows me
each day i take my gaze locked on my
cheap treasures
i miss out on having
a heart of flesh
open eyes
and adventurous steps
you are worthy.
God please
give me the gift of
faith.

lonely

the world is fading away and the lusts there of
the lusts of people
people beautiful
they crowd my vision
they are always
here
always present
in the next room
sleeping just outside
on the couch
dreaming away
a million miles away
but
they are still
here.
breathing
the same air as me
people to talk to
to look at
to laugh with and cry with
to be with
and
when they all leave all gone
spearate ways
off to this trip and that
some howi coulndt get away
i tried to not be alone
but
here i am
and what a peculiar feeling
to wash dishes
and tidy up your room
with no one around the corner
no one to fill the space
in an empty home.
the dishes echo and bounce off the walls
im too little to fill an entire space.

be thou my vision

God dont let my own visions get in the way of seeing you. 3. Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight, Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight. Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower. Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power. 4. Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

5. High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

laura welch ---"The deeper longing is to be content with being known by God, Abba, King, Saviour, O Rock that is Higher than I, Keeper, Life-giver, Bigger than life, Generous Creator of the Universe, Lover of your soul. No one is like him. and no one knows you like him."


God thank you for showing me this, through real scenes in my life.
you keep showing me time and time again
to stop idolizing people.
forgive me.
i have set certain people up high
as mom says (the Justin Timerlake phenomena) 
but this is not needed
my life can not be modeled by other people
Abba Father is my example... my guide
His affirmation is what keeps me
secure.
that is what i desire-His love
His affirmation
is what i want and need
even though i seek for it 
other ways
from other people.
oh these idols!
break them.. continue to break them 
to show me
that all falls to the side
when compared with you.

not allowed copeland(in some way describes me tonight)

Here we go
I'll smile for you now 'cause you're sad
but I'm not allowed to be sad
Here we go
I'll make a joke for you now, make you smile
but I'm not allowed to be sad

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why

Here we go
I'll burn for you now cause your're mine
and you're not allowed to feel nothing
Careful I may fall apart for you now, make you cry
But I'm not allowed to be sad

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why?

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mxqc99nvFyM