I Am Just a Flower

Father I am

forlorn

comparing myself

to other roses

I only see my

thorns

and the trampling of

careless feet

dulling my petals

and making me weak

I myself not taking time

to eat

water from the healthy soil of

your goodness

The lover drunk in thought

garnishes the patch

I watch in wonder if I am worth

half

as lovely as the crisp hughes

I wish I'd have time to repair and prove

that my beaten petals were made by the same hands too.

I have made mistakes

on my intakes

I was long abused and misused

today I am still confused

I have given some care to caterpillars and

the vicious hare

they tore my petals and I feel

each tear

I try to stay strong,

not comparing myself to

those

pretty for so long

not

dulled by the sun

tainted by corrupted ones

In me

maybe the eye of the gentle will see

something trampled and restored

can reflect great beauty

For see, I am no more wilted, neither fallen or dead…

In me a maker has woven His thread-

I am His instead.

He kept me alive, He pruned me free.

Here I am,

impeccably me

Psalm 115

1 Not to us, Lord, not to us
    but to your name be the glory,
    because of your love and faithfulness.

Goodbye Jay

I am resigning from Jay Gatsby
It is high time
to let you know
I am resigning from Jay Gatsby
that fine eternally hopeful soul

a hope he had that was never a fad
unmovable and unbent
his lover went and left him sad
yet he never flinched or winced

determined to keep the past
he gave all morals to woo her
yet ended with a load of cash
and alone, still she with a
wealthy suitor

I must resign from such a plight
the lovestruck hopeful faced
he fought all possible to keep alive
the thought that love
is pure and unfazed

Yet people change
and leave and so
measure you next to numbered
poles
and once a love that says hello
will turn corners and carelessly go

You see, Jay Gatsby is not for me
I am not a boat floating endlessly into the sea
and defying the past
were it so
love would last

I must opt out of his poor conclusion
that the past is repeatable, and dreams are not
less than a delusion

instead I tread on uneven plane
ready to be mocked.
Even the safest earthly friend
can leave one shellshocked.

Poor Gatsby believed that he could gain
the "world within an hour
hold eternity in his hand
an infinity in a flower"

He couldn't bear
a world unfair
and kept hope as a child,
unaltered.

The good man thought
that all he bought
and changed and made
and did

would make him desirable to the girl
his soul did own, and so live.
but I cannot end his way,
wide-eyed and naivety prone.

I am resigning from Jay Gatsby,
who drowned in a pool of his own
blood,
pretending
he was not alone.

hands on the clock tell me its time
to start moving
eyes unmoving
like a placid cup of
joe
and he said he knows
what i want
my tomorrow already folding neatly
shirt collars tucked in
the trunk
ready for an engine song and so long
show me how to hold on
slipping slipping
and grasp
no eye on the past just this.
steer clear of yesteryears
and dead sighs-

snake eyes loomed
green light all afternoon
she all hopeful staring at an emerald moon.

Uncover their lunge
the frigid fanged plunge-
before you swoon.

I will not regret loving deeply

When Michelangelo was asked how he carved his magnificent David, his reply is reputed to have been, “I looked inside the marble and just took away the bits that weren’t David.”

1 peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I will never regret loving deeply,
even though i dont do it perfectly
even though my loving at times
goes awry cuz my sinful pride and lies 
still God you let me love till it riddles in my bones

i will not regret loving deeply
till it covered
failures
flaws 
scars

i will never regret the times
Gods grace allowed me to love so deep 
as to forgive a multitude of sins

as to forget those things done and said

God you let me
hope
believe 
endure 
and wish the best
work hard even when i wanted
to give up

i can never regret
the times
of loving till 
i can't stop
thats how Jesus loves
without halts

i wont regret loving deep
even when i am not
loved the same
treated like a sinful shame

i guess i am...
arent we all a step away
from a fall?
But o
i am more hopeful somehow
my creator isnt done with me now

but God how can i use my love like a currency anyhow? 
I must give and
close my eyes

even tho i may be left to
die but
you won't

you wont leave me because your love
wont run dry

and if mine does please O God 
fill me quick back again
remembering to love how you love 
crazy and big

who am i not to love like this?
when i am one of the chief sinners too
messed up and confused

why you paid for me
with your life?
thats love i didnt even choose
you outdid them all
your love is that huge

your deep love
woos me
cleans me
calls me over
and over
and over
and over
again.

you dont tire
in telling me to
come back
to come
home
to fall again into
your open arms

you remind me when i am cold
of your selfless love
your actions, bold.

father please let me love others 
the way you have shown 
and by what you have told!

dont ever let my wounds
hide me away
toughen my heart from loving till
im pained

let me always 
see the work of art 
you are molding
sketching in marble and clay

so i can say
that you are chipping away 
everything that isnt
that persons true self
in you.
we are not finished till the final day.

Jesus you are making all things
new.

what a pretty color that rock has
oh the hue!

i am that work of art too
that you are carving 
i thank you that
you cherish this 
marble slab

To You, With All of My Heart

love is lost
when you cant stand
to work
through the grime
to get to grand
to see the shape
hidden in the sand
to hold and dust off that one
you committed your hand

when do we believe
we are perfectly clean?
when do we pretend
we are worth
betraying a friend?

when do we walk away
and say someone will never be okay
and say we are going a different way?
do we do that after committing our heart?
do we abandon our treasure like it 
is nothing but
faux art?
because your love won't bend
just the way you do?
because your love wants her own future
her own hopes too?
because distance can strangle and confuse
whats true?

when do we start walking away when someone cries?
when do we start believing our own twisted lies?
and leave our love as an unwanted whore
treated like nothing more than a monster struggling and poor
when all she did was beg to not be ignored
to work on the things that they both didnt understand or
abhorred.

but like a coward ---quiet you walk away.
with her dress white and clean
hung
for a special day?
with open arms that
only asked you 
to stay ?
all budgeted
to your liking
wasn't enough to sway?

she threw family as a scapegoat
it was never about that anyway
cant you see how you never let her in?
cant you see how
you scheduled her and penciled her in?

how she longed to be yours 
but you only gave scraps
as she craved
and poured her heart
till it was empty of sap

you treated her like a child
hungry you let her outside
a while
you confided in, and idolized them 
when she longed to be your
faithful friend

cant you see she
threw all aside and resigned
left her whole world for yours
with a smile?

but deep down she knew
you'd never do the same
and all you could do to her was
blame, blame, blame
the questioning sickening her brain


you told her to put you first 
but you never did the same

It was plain
to see 
she would live a life 
alone, as you became everything
you wanted to be

greedy 
selfish
and 
FREE.


she used her family 
just to see
if you loved her 
as recklessly 
as can be

If you loved her 
as she loved you 

if you'd 
give up 
your precious world
too.

you let them hold me down

you weren't around

you let them hold me down with their cold hands

and you walked away 

from me 

and you never looked back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYtPFzMEYXQ

i cant breathe anymore
im pretty sure
i cant breathe anymore

but then Jesus
you round the corner
and tell me
its okay

you know the way
i go and
the whys all
hidden in dark places

and unfriendly faces
you stoop down
so i can see
your kind face

you give me your hand
you hand me grace
there is no disgrace

you make me radiant
take all my ashes
and i am beautiful

you beautify me with your salvation
and i know
that no man can harm
me

i am calm in your hands
who can be against me
when the king
stoops down and
wipes the tears from my face
pushes my hair back and tells me I'm safe?