"if it aint hurt
you aint lovin hard."

i hate caring about people.
it just means you hurt all the time
thats all
care and let your heart
be torn apart.

did you know how you would move me
did you know?
did you know how you would move me well
i dont think so.


i do not know what i am ready for
all i know is
that i am at a stand still
and it feels wrong
i feel like i slammed doors on dreams
and hopes
and why?
i dont even know

Love, it's the wave I ride
That won't ever reach the shore
Overwhelmed by the tide
but wanting nothing more..tonight
Than to take this time and make it all mine
It's coming around again

[Chorus]
Every now and again sometimes
I get lost on the wind of a dream
The air gets clean and the seas get wide
and I can do anything
The pain it won't even cross my mind
There's wonder in everything
The rope gets loose and the chains unbind
and I can do anything

Hope, it's the light that strikes
that burns inside of me
It's a blinding light but somehow I can see...again
When I've lost my way
It's becoming very clear
And it's coming around again

Every now and again sometimes
I get lost on the wind of a dream
The air gets clean and the seas get wide
and I can do anything
The pain it won't even cross my mind
There is wonder in everything
The ropes get loose and the chains unbind
and I can do anything

Somewhere between the darkness and the light
My spirit takes to flight
The colors fill the skies
And I'm free

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aruQXnEhfJ4

i know you know best
even though my heart
feels shattered
i know
you know best



i want to fly away right now.

last night,
i dreamt of running quickly in a dark airport
to board a plane
i did not care that i was alone
i did not care that i would fly for 13 hours
it did not matter who i left...


i sit in tears
because i am torn away displaced
i am not apart of that rising day

i will pray Lord
I will give this burning
thrashing
hungry desire to run,
to you
i have nothing else to do than that


i have to keep my red journal closed tight
a rubber band around it
when i open it
a flood of water consumes my tiny room
my big window casts rays of sun
and i swim above to get some air
swimming in my tears
of longing
each page burns at my touch.

i never thought i could want as this.
i miss i miss. them.
so much.

and they could never know of this consistent sorrow
that i keep hidden even from myself
so as not to spin my life into some hole
and not enjoy the beauty that i have now, that awaits even now in store.

i am ready

to find you.

im sorry i picked this and that and him too.

i cant be happy following my fables

why can i not remember that

they will never do

you told me once, twice

a million more

im crushed because i want to believe you

let me let go im

sorry i cling to idols

its so hard to say no

but if i hold these things

my arms full to the brim

thinking only of him

or of me

actually

and

what i want to win

well then i am

not your disciple

at all

you said if anyone would follow they

must lose it all.

whats left i think

starring down a path

that looks like there is no way to pass

i have nothing because it is yours

this will be a hard road

i tear my clothes

i make a pile of all these things

not my will

but yours

but

do i turn away?

surely i will only

dig my own grave.

where oh

God

where shall I go?

But to you...you speak everything true

and clean, you

lean in and hand me a beam

sorrowful savior you look me in the eyes and whisper

"trust me daughter, and follow me."

John 6:⁶⁷ So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” ⁶⁸ Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, ⁶⁹ and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

The Moon is distant from the Sea – (387)

By Emily Dickinson

The Moon is distant from the Sea –

And yet, with Amber Hands –

She leads Him – docile as a Boy –

Along appointed Sands –

He never misses a Degree –

Obedient to Her eye –

He comes just so far – toward the Town –

Just so far – goes away –

Oh, Signor, Thine, the Amber Hand –

And mine – the distant Sea –

Obedient to the least command

Thine eye impose on me –