my turbulent emotions
i need psalm 84
i need you God.

SO you know

i must be going utterly insane
currently
because my thoughts are pounding strong
loud raging
unforgivingly against thin white walls
and ready to break!
reverberating
resounding
how they break break
through my lists of to dos
i watch my tall buildings
crash swiftly to the ground.
and all i see beyond my screen or the talking
crowds is you..

its you
oh its you!
at every corner feeling
you leaving me timid
and bare.
and there is no pill
no cure.
check me in
for i am weak
and useless.
rapid illness
let me begin to heal
by the pain of a cold brutal retreat,
ripping you away forever or
an undeserved fruition of hope.
but how can solace delay any longer?
These books must not still be in place
unopened- untouched.
my buildings
must be rebuilt-
but how?
with my struck
eyes lit up and dazed
a mind
choked and
glazed. 
crying
with desire.

i miss someone i have never met.


from boy meets girl

Song of the Day: "Anything"- Mae

Love,
It's the wave I ride,
That won't ever reach the shore.
Overwhelmed by the tide
And wanting nothing more, tonight.
Than to take this time
And make it all mine.
It's coming around again.


Hope,
It's the light that strikes,
That burns inside of me.
It's a blinding light,
But somehow I can see, again.
When I've lost my way.
It's becoming very clear.
And its coming around again.

Every now and again sometimes,
I get lost on the wind of a dream.
The air gets clean and the seas get wide.
And I can do anything.
The pain it won't even cross my mind.
There is wonder in everything.
The rope gets loose and the chains unbind.
And I can do anything.

Somewhere between the darkness and the light.
My spirit takes to flight.
The colors fill the sky,
And I am free

oh sweet indolence
thou will be
the death of me
sip deep coffee
grown on the bright
side of the world
here in a quiet room
rapture the silence with rich
music
please.

abba
show me how to 
trust
trust
trust you
instead of heaping my head
with ashes and dust
wearing a tin crown of worry.
abba abba
you clothe the flowers of the field
they are here today
and float away tomorrow.
abba you withhold
nothing
nothing
good.
you are 
my good father
and you know me well
and you know deeply
what i need.
even when i cry-
"i want abba i want------"
you silence me gently
you quiet my complaints
and you show me your jealous 
 love 
enveloping me 
wooing me.
here,
take my plastic pearls
ill wait for the real ones
should i cry if they do not come?
can i?
abba you are still mine..
how can i repine?

in other words...
i love you.

invisible

you
make me feel
like ann hathaway
in princess diaries
but not the pretty princess
dressed in pale blue
spinning around the
gold christened room
no.
but the girl with frizzy dark hair
legs sprawled
blending with the sad walls
eyes pasted on the cement ground.
she is silent.

She who sat on a bench alone,
and you sat on her and yelled
OH MY!
then walked away briskly
in disbelief that you accidentally sat on a person-
that unsightly creature
whom you did not notice.
yes,
i was to you as a cement bench-
you took a bend
and ran!