God

where do you want me to go?

should i just stuff all my dreams

in a box

and tape it all up

tuck it away

for some other day

that may never come

how do i set those dreams free

in me?

where do you want me to go?

i feel pulling from the other side

of the water

still

when i close my eyes

i feel it painful

infecting

my veins

with

memory

what do you want of me?

how can i be faithful

now

where you have me?

make me consistent with your sheep

show me how to feed your sheep

i want to love you.

open my eyes to see no limit

nothing is impossible with you

you have been showing me this

give me faith God give me faith

i am locked up towards you

waiting for the clock to move

in a hot pursuit

to see you not want

me

Im ready for the fall

like a crooked cop

waiting to be locked up

trying to find something

to put you in cuffs

but you stare at me pure

i always question

if you are sure

you never asked from me

i stand guilty

of wishing you were filthy

not wanting you to see through me

because if you knew me

i wonder if you

would be through

with me

stone in my chest

even though im blessed

i need the beats

to know im complete

worthy of

your inquiries, your

smiles and

musings

Never let things that are most important be at the mercy of things that are not.

your joy is

a golden leaf

that grows from your

vine

i need it to survive

or

words will eat me up dry

please dont go so slow in the fallen snow

i cant see you past the

bare trees

begging for leaves

trembling for heat

“But I was no longer sacared. I could see what was inside me.
-Lindo”
― Amy Tan

“If she doesn't speak, she is making a choice. If she doesn't try, she can lose her chance forever.
-An-mei”
― Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club

“You must think for yourself, what you must do. If someone tells you, then you are not trying.
-An-mei”
― Amy Tan

Worship

Romans 12:1

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

from Candice.

Worship is:

giving of yourself.

costly

sacrificing

being in the presence of Jesus

only done in humility

not always popular

natural overflow of enjoyment

can be serving

focusing on Him

Recognizing Jesus is the better portion

Worship is Not

being distracted

worried

DOING THINGS FOR GOD, WITHOUT GOD

Telling Jesus what we think is best

self centered

performance

demanding of Jesus

Luke 10:41

WR Teten

Titus 2:3-5

³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

What authority in your life to you need to surrender to?

THIS IS GODS WORD FOR US. NOT THE VOICE OF NAVIGATORS NOT THE VOICE OF MAN.

Phileo Love- A tender love. Companionship. Enjoying the people around you, not just serving.

Surrender-everyone must submit

Take care of your home. Think of the people who live there.

Womens Retreat '11

2 Peter 1

¹ Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ,

To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:

² Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

Confirming One’s Calling and Election

³ His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴ Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

¹⁰ Therefore, my brothers and sisters,^[a] make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, ¹¹ and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Prophecy of Scripture

¹² So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. ¹³ I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, ¹⁴ because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. ¹⁵ And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

¹⁶ For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. ¹⁷ He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”^{[b] 18} We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

¹⁹ We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. ²⁰ Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. ²¹ For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

"If you've never died, you aint livin yet."

Father by your grace, give me the strength to die to me.

What is beautiful?

God is beauty.

Beauty is all

that reflects

Him.

perfect love that casts out fear
fear that keeps feet
standing still
fear that keeps voice
low and quiet
fear that keeps me showing
off making a riot
perfect love you sing over me
quiet me right
quiet me under
your endurance
make me believe
you are for me
quiet me with your love
and i can breathe.

zeph. 3:17

cosmic love-florence and the machine

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

yes
I know
you will leave me unsatisfied
with every kind word
with every warm gift
that is not from You
You want me like this
a broken piece. You know you are the glue
to fix
You know
that only your words heal
You know that i do not feel real
or whole
or smiling at all
when im all wraped up in
others arms
it doesnt feel warm
on this fall day
to fill my day
with musing of men
it doesnt make sense
to throw away
the only love that
will never end.
all others will fade
when my eyes are closed
and hands cold.

but to live is You
and to die is You
and You are my life
so when I dont have You
Im without
Im hungry
Im through

who do i have in heaven but you?
what is there on this earth that i crave but you?
everything of me will dissolve and fall
but you hold my weak heart
and make it work
you are what i need right now,
tomorrow and into days that never end.

we dont need more self esteem

we need to be secure in what Christ has done for us.


"I am developing insecurities I never knew I had?"

It is a gift.

O to depend on thee
You listen gently to every plea
you hold me still through roaring seas
O to depend on thee

crisp leaves
colored blue
Ill be leaving in the blue

open eyes to the ground

almost touching.

to

spill out a wave and nod and

walk away

like swelling

black tar

hot itll burning and

cry.

squeeze cold wrists till breaking

and falling.

turn a solid tall back

suited up strapping

man.

and dont stay

you cant.

and dont say

those silly words anymore

if you are thin

under my fingers

like a sandy pill.

that wont do no

that wont do.

split our ways and let go of

hands around my face, deciding still.

part of the race

breathe in exhale

wind heavy

speed.

I stop.

just see a blue speck ahead

squinting to grab. brow creased in sweat

one last glimpse.

i cant.

help

i gasp

no one to hear

head bowed stumble back

there is no one here

and the beats begin to lack

no one knocks

may not anymore.

tear open windows that span the walls

the air ice blocks

tumble in.

exposing parch white dry skin

I choose you I choose you.

hands pound and break into

full ashes and a couple of twisted thorns

Only kneel slow.

He

is there.

Once typed in read and black.

ties your shoes and give you air

Pulse in gentle eyes.

reaches steady for a

freezing heart.

turning into flesh.

look up head tilted

up your hands palms up

whisperin sing song

psalms

with a smile

walk like dat lookin

up.

what do i need to let go?

I dont want to walk away sad.

Through Hymn

http://throughhymn.bandcamp.com/

changed

what you do connected to your heart

fake cut cords?

or connected tight blue and red

viens healthy

carrying clean from

beats to hands and feet?

examine yourself.

sometimes
i walk under
those branches
and moss
covers my eyes
like lashes
other times
i hear your voice and
i cant breathe
its so strong
heavy on my ribcage i see you
in the hall
as i
unshackle
a prisoner
from room 249
my hands keep slipping off the metal
but you touch them
and help me unlock
someone

im not sure
eating hotdogs for days
is wrong.
45 seconds and
im off
fit a bite in
onto the map
clock round map
white like chalk
starring
tick tock.
im not sure now
what to say
when
i cant look at you
and i want to.
oh, i want to.
ill walk
quiet like Sandra
and Elizibeth
and keep on
eating my thick slices of fear
so i dont have to be
anymore.
eating hotdogs
to keep me alive
if that's what it takes
nothing in my pocket
but a couple of mistakes
and closed
plastic
doors.
and "we didnt need you
today."
but its okay
we'll do
what it takes
she says on the phone
as i try not to tear
they come anyway though.
get up off your floor
you've never been alone
little girl
youve never been alone.

Mirrored Poem for class (If I Were In Charge of the World!)

If I were in charge of the world
I'd cancel goodbyes,
Soggy french fries
bed times and also
Joel Ostien.

If I were in charge of the world
There'd be chocolate milk IVs,
bubbles instead of fog, and laughter would be a language.

If I were in charge of the world
You wouldn't have disappointed
You wouldn't have "too much"
You wouldn't have "not enough"
Or alone.
You wouldn't even have cold toes.

If I were in charge of the world
A car would be a horse.
All walls would be chalkboards.
And a person who sometimes forgot to keep it cool
And sometimes forgot to finish "to dos"
Would still be allowed to be
in charge of the world.

Psalm 130

¹Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
²O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

³If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
⁴But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.

⁵I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
⁶my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

⁷O Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
⁸And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.

Cross references:

1. Psalm 130:1 : Psalm 120, title
2. Psalm 130:1 : Psalm 69:2, 14; Lam 3:55; Jonah 2:2
3. Psalm 130:2 : Psalm 86:6; 2 Chr 6:40
4. Psalm 130:2 : Psalm 140:6
5. Psalm 130:3 : Psalm 90:8; Job 10:14
6. Psalm 130:3 : Psalm 76:7; Amos 2:15; Nah 1:6; Mal 3:2; Eph 6:13; Rev 6:17; Psalm 143:2
7. Psalm 130:4 : Psalms 42:7; Isa 55:7; Dan 9:9; Psalm 86:5, 15
8. Psalm 130:4 : 1 Kgs 8:39, 40; Jer 33:8, 9; Rom 2:4
9. Psalm 130:5 : Psalm 40:1; Isa 8:17; 26:8
10. Psalm 130:5 : Psalm 33:20
11. Psalm 130:5 : Psalm 119:74, 81
12. Psalm 130:6 : Psalm 123:2
13. Psalm 130:6 : Psalm 63:6; 119:147
14. Psalm 130:6 : Psalm 5:3
15. Psalm 130:7 : Psalm 131:3
16. Psalm 130:7 : Psalms 42:4
17. Psalm 130:8 : Psalm 111:9; Luke 1:68; Titus 2:14; Matt 1:21; Psalm 25:22

wow...glancing up on my desk


God doesn't want us to know the future, He wants us to know Him. He wants us to trust Him to guide us into the future one step at a time.

-Omartian

My times are in your hand.

Psalm 31:15

..."there was no one there to see, for if there is one thing more certain than another, it is that the development of hinds' feet is a secret process, demanding that there should be no onlookers."

-Hinds Feet on High places p59

Sometimes obeying God- can look to others like you are doing nothing.
Will I still obey?


M- I don't want to be excited. I could be crushed
L- you shall never love then.

pound in again
like the point steel
of a nail
slipping deeper into
the skin
deep within
and to a core.
I want
and nothing more.
but now it creeps in
again
making my insides
green
i bend over in two
i cant i cant
let my heart win.

Image Perspective (For Class)

(notice bottom left corner)


Love Bird


Fine lady
Your beak shines like black leather shoes
Your Pink Plumes
Fashioned elegantly on your head
Are most impressive- even more so
Than your silk fan
And dress of light blue.
Oh! How your purple royal robe
Suits you so.
And I, being a kind red parrot
Shall let you know…
I can not yet …bid you adieu.
I wish you’d take my hand for a dance
But lo, the cunning blue jay has now advanced
He has caught your eye and I
Am left behind
Even the old pigeon stands over your shoulder
Begging for a single glance; a sign.
A timid fish risks his safety
Approaching you for a chance
You stand austere and sure you’ve found
A jay to pass the next dance.
Fair pink bird
I have nothing to do.
I stare down at my top hat
Thinking only
of you.

Only Jesus-Hymn

"Jesus, Jesus, only Jesus
Can my heartfelt longing still.
Lo, I pledge myself to Jesus,
What He wills alone to will,
For my heart, which He hath filled,
Ever cries, "Lord, as Thou wilt."

how you find us so
and pursue us so
how you reach us more and take us out
carry me now!
carry me now!
you bring your children
scattered abroad you use us to bring back
the rest of your flock...
what a joy what a joy
to walk back the trail
the one which you opened up to us
to lead us high
lead us all to your pastures
we cry

if every feigned eyed song was written of you
id say it were true.
for it all fell stone before
and never gave me as deep a sore as
this sleepless melody
does now.
you do, it seems,
belong in every cheerful stream
of song that has
ever been sung or strummed
those did not know of what they sang
and did not drink of which i now sink.
Your cymbals deafen me, still.
Keep. Make me fall within and I am without.
murmured as a quiet shout...

"Tis happy to love"

dreams and desires
mixing in one
string one fire heart to
want you
Gods choosen one
shepherd me to
the waiting hills
make my feet new
i am limping still
gentle gaze on
my poor state
drawing me softly
patient you wait.
I wonder at you,
holding your staff.
waiting and beckoning me as I
fling forward at last
take off my weight that
dreaded pack.
take me to the heights now.
I dont want to come back.

Where I am From Poem (For Class)

I am from ‘Te quiero” and “What’s happenen Mon?”

I am from underneath the St Croix Palms

Tucked beneath a Caribbean sunrise.

I’m from tart pasta sauce, fried plantains sweet and salt

and fresh rice.

I’m from fat rain and new ribbons, car seat too.

I’m from the flashing lights of Tokyo blind-

And slamming doors bent over in two.

I’m from Costa Rica and Nippon

Sitting quiet under a 4am sun.

I’m from the winter bells of pasteles

Red words whispering me goodnight-

They roll off the tongue and I’m undone.

I’m from “If I tell you one more time”… and “Give me a kiss.”

I’m from wet hair, cold river, cockatoo on my wrist.

Dominican Republic and jade bright tea

Silver chocolate wrappers crinkle and running through trees.

I’m from tucked in deep green and under white stars,

gasping laughter and Happily ever afters.

I’m from red curtain Murray Hill

And pulsing dead ears.

I’m from Chai, paint and glue-sticks.

And from a box of flung paper

happy scribbles and tears.

And of course, voices around the lit fire

Never to end.

I climb through these crystal cobwebs up through

New threads.

dont wait for me -Josh garrels

Please don't wait for me
I lost my way again
I lost my job, I walked away
From the life that I was leading with my friends

When I was young I dreamed
Of a life that had freedom that had joy
Oh life it crushed my soul
With its cruel demands and fool's gold

Please don't wait for me
I lost my way again
I lost my house and my good name
When I found the road of my king

When I was young I dreamed
Of a life that had beauty that had joy
But now I lost my life
For the one I dreamt of as a boy

Please don't wait for me
I ain't coming back again
I cannot turn around
From the place I'm going
To where I've been

listenin to josh garrels
wondering about today
how to make it new
how to draw it right
on blue white trace paper
trace a same day like yesterday?
or draw again tight lines
organized squares
i need it to be more
then just 3 or four scribbles
i need it to stand up
off the page
enough to look back and smile
please

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD’s Favor
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Found this from January 29, 2009 Bring me to understand your love again!

(you are sovereign
above all things
you use a little me
to do your work unimaginable
it really puts a grin on my face
and i have to laugh
why would you- the maker of the universe
use a simple faulty small mess
to plant your seeds of hope?
i will never know.
but your love-it is astounding.
i will praise you in all things..
when my heart fails
and when it is lifted.
your abundance flows
you can do immeasurably
MORE than i can imagine
so i await your redemption
and salvation
for me and the ones I love O God of hope.
reign in us.)

high and low
no end no end
high and low
you can see me
kneeling slow
to the ground
a dress piled like
cream.
i am in need
I want You
no more facade
for You.
see the truth is
im a lil confused
and have books named past
i need to dust them off so i can walk away and
play a while
im ready see,
to climb the rust wall
im ready to see
You.
wrists hold me up
and my head strains hair falls in green pools of pairs
of eyes.
please let me come
im running to you unaware
of having no fine shoes
to lace,
running hard on dirt
white dust
covers
and white face.
see i had calculated givings
and bowings
and living.
but i laugh!
because i dont want it anymore
i want to be me.
like a jagged edge
tree
that i am.
reaching craving
the blue, gray or black.
and i want you to trim me
im not pretending, ruff like an oak.
cut me smoother as a birch.
from afar i look a perfect
jewel.
But we are face to face;
You have the chisel ready,
and so am
i

if i am not found in you
then i am lost
if i am not whole in you then i am less
than half

longing to taste
the richest of fare

your unfailing never ending love
the motivation, the solace, the comfort, the delight
of my soul
bringing me from weary
to full at the mere dip into
the vast ocean of your love

“If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is not part of the Christian faith.

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

- C. S. Lewis in “The Weight of Glory”

Proverbs 17:22

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.


"Memories mean more to me than dresses."

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."

- Anne Frank

"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hman, as if the pleasure is one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing."

"...And how could we endure to live and let time pass if we were always crying for one day or one year to come back- if we do not know that everyday in a life fills the whole life with expectation and memory and that these are that day?"

-Out of the Silent Planet

i tried to write you
but i stopped
all caught up
in a web
i would only be giving you a thread
to unravel
to unravel me
and today I am
knotted up
could you untangle me?
I cant ...so I will give you thoughts
that are set aside
in books
they are more
constructive less
destructive
I will give you ideas
things I keep in my brain
not as close to my chest
I don't want you to feel
uneasy

Yet can I stay here head flat on this
polished wood-searching to only please you with ideas?
Will I care for you as me?
take a breath and grab my pen?
will I write to you
a story
truth or fantasy?
fairytales fade like old
leather shoes
Ill write you something
you wont lose
it will be
dark and dreary
pages of tears
and letters of dreams
rolling like waves
shaped as hearts
red colors on open seas
littered like gold
musical notes
every chord
something new
drums of my past
and cymbals of
my future
little things
that fill my lungs
and beg me to laugh
sounds of birds
and trees that loom
the Truth
that makes me walk straight and not
stay in gloom
my passion for this
my longing for that...
gluing together learned phrases
on green chalk boards
running and falling in
cool tight air
and silk sunshine
laying in deep grass and thinking
thinking up
the sky
tea in blue cups and spinning through
fables reaching new heights
and crying on my table
paper over here
and screaming over there
ice-cream and
truth and dares.
jumping ecstatic and im sorrys
all wrapped with a bow. this book could last a life time
i just think you should know.
I run up to you beaming
I wrote you a book with
ruffled up paper bent,

it is...a
happy
heartfelt
first draft.

Ah, yes this is me
I can breathe
He sketched it and says
I am found and a beauty.

I'll stop and look
to see if your eyes are kind too
if so
then
I hope you don't mind Sir,
if I read some of you?

For now
take chapter 1.
unravel me.
and I will
you.

Written by Laura Welch...

"What if loneliness is the cost?

Would you still go?

Would you still run?

Would he still hear your desperate cry?

Would you still love Him?

“Take the world!

But give me Jesus.”

I will walk this road. He is so worthy…

I write this because I sense times ahead when I am going to feel alone. Yes, God made us to not be alone. He made us for relationship. He made us for community. And I sense a time before me in which I will miss those who understand who I really am, that I’m not perfect, that I’m not your priest, that I am not better at following Jesus than you are. I’m broken, frail, fragile, needy, weak, poor…and if I seem intense, it’s because Jesus is my lifeline. I depend on him to LIVE. So if I seem crazy, it’s for him.

And I will cling to Him even it means I must feel alone.

For I shall never BE alone. He is ever with me. God never forsakes me. I can cling to One who is SO faithful."

-Laura Welch

*sigh and smile* God you know I needed this!

Jeremiah 15:

15 O Lord, You know; Remember me and visit me, And take vengeance for me on my persecutors. In Your enduring patience, do not take me away. Know that for Your sake I have suffered rebuke. 16 Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts. 17 I did not sit in the assembly of the mockers, Nor did I rejoice; I sat alone because of Your hand, For You have filled me with indignation.

18 Why is my pain perpetual And my wound incurable, Which refuses to be healed? Will You surely be to me like an unreliable stream, As waters that fail?

19 Therefore thus says the Lord: "If you return, Then I will bring you back; You shall stand before Me; If you take out the precious from the vile, You shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, But you must not return to them. 20 And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall; And they will fight against you, But they shall not prevail against you; For I am with you to save you And deliver you," says the Lord. 21 "I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, And I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible."

There is nothing, naturally speaking, that makes us lose heart quicker than decay—the decay of bodily beauty, of natural life, of friendship, of associations, all these things make a man lose heart; but Paul says when we are trusting in Jesus Christ these things do not find us discouraged, light comes through them.
The Place of Help
-Chambers

I have a Hero...

Qualities of a prince:
Respected, Attractive, Loyal, Brave, Honorable, Admired...yet...

Psalm 146

---

The LORD an Abundant Helper.

1 Praise the LORD!
Praise the LORD, O my soul!

2 I will praise the LORD while I live;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

3 Do not trust in princes,
In mortal man, in whom there is no salvation.

4 His spirit departs, he returns to the earth;
In that very day his thoughts perish.

5 How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
Whose hope is in the LORD his God,

6 Who made heaven and earth,
The sea and all that is in them;
Who keeps faith forever;

7 Who executes justice for the oppressed;
Who gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets the prisoners free.

8 The LORD opens the eyes of the blind;
The LORD raises up those who are bowed down;
The LORD loves the righteous;

9 The LORD protects the strangers;
He supports the fatherless and the widow,
But He thwarts the way of the wicked.

10 The LORD will reign forever,
Your God, O Zion, to all generations.
Praise the LORD!

Affection is a coal
that must be cooled
else suffered,
it will set the heart on fire
the sea hath bounds,
but deep desire hath none.
-Shakespeare



Desire without Discipline= DISASTER.


proverbs 31:17
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

On my Return from Nippon

my heart is somewhere
across the sea
Its currently not with me
but nestled somewhere safely
in Nippon.
Maybe you can hear it on the crowded
silent subway
or maybe at UDAI
in the dark library
I'm sure I left it at
Joyful House
or Tomo's House
somewhere admist the busy kitchen
lofted with spells of miso and
fresh rice.
they are all brimming with laughter
struck with hope
waiting with the doors open
inviting a crowd of smiling friends
to open up red words
and drink and drink...
im sure my heart is there somewehere-
and I wonder how long it should be
each day goes by like a ghost
I wonder if the ghost is me.
each movement a slow formula
no passion to feed hungry veins
i flip through my days like the dry
newspaper that crumbles and is
thrown aside...again and again.
The only spark of inspiration comes
as a dull flame at the thought of
crying friends
but quickly today rushes in and the spark is
out again.
i burned a wild fire a week ago
each moment sparkling in
a heated red glow
filled with awe
taking steps of thunder
helping to pull
pulling people out of ruble
seeing the sky open new lights
the sun rising high into the waiting blue black
speaking words i never have
trusting victories
given to me one by one
on His behalf
and now im sitting in a quiet room
my sword and shield to the side
coasting in a sad lagoon
of missing them
missing You
heart
you were made so new
come back so i can move
come back so I can battle through
come back so I can be used
afraid to tread outside
I sit in front of panes
as big as moons
"You can never have too much sky." said Cisnerous
and that is true.
so come into my little dim room,
while I beg for sky
on the other side
because it is too quiet here
the sky on those hills
has me still.
They took me well.
I can
hear
beating beating beating
over waters
steady beating
like a drum.

recipe for fulfillment:


dedicate your gift
develop your gift
deploy your gift for a higher purpose


Jim Downing

I need to wake up
and adorn myself with the Lord.


-Laura Welch


-Habit is how we complete things

habit plus inspiration equals art..
inspiration alone-wont do it.

LIES LIES
go away
don't come back
another day
stop beating hard
on my tin roof
leaking through
my rubber boots
I'm packing and leaving
and drying off
my soul
Truth is
where I'm going
and
I just thought
you should know

God
I am afraid to open
up again.
I am a flower
not daring to bud
needing to be hidden by the cool earth
Afraid my petals will be dull
with other flowers more
beautiful than I
catching the eyes
telling me to fall back
should i stay closed
calculate and repose
and risk my arms never
stretching
never giving what is
given.
should i open tall
and eat the sun
beckoning?
will i be beautiful?
or be cast away again
a weak weed
not worthy of poet's gaze
and writer's mussings

Evening comes and I follow
morning strikes and here I am
afraid to take your gifts
I uncurl each trembling finger
and give you my hand

Psalm 25:

¹To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
²O my God, in You I trust...

DONT
say its gunna be okay
whisking me away
carrying shards of doubt
out of my tight veins-
that you cut inside
to make me "pulse"
I'm helpless now
counting down
my breathes till I escape.

Treasures from Lesson Planning

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith


I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all. ~Richard Wright, American Hunger, 1977


What I like in a good author is not what he says, but what he whispers. ~Logan Pearsall Smith, "All Trivia," Afterthoughts, 1931


The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer



The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov


Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ~Anton Chekhov



Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

(ahh...blast from the past)

I think it's bad to talk about one's present work, for it spoils something at the root of the creative act. It discharges the tension. ~Norman Mailer

The most beautiful things are those that madness prompts and reason writes. ~André Gide, Journals, 1894

Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will. ~Goethe

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

Psalm 90

wow God.. Thank you for showing me this

Lord you have been our dwelling place in all generations

before the mountains were born or you gave birth to the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting YOU ARE GOD.

You turn man back into DUST and say "Return O children of men."

For a thousand years in your sight are like yesterday when it passes by, or as a watch in the night.

You have swept them away like a flood, they fall asleep; in the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew; toward evening it fades and withers away.

For we have been consumed by your anger
and by your wrath we have been dismayed.

You have placed our iniquities before you
Our secret sins in the LIGHT of your presence.

For all our days have declined in your fury,
we have finished our YEARS like a SIGH.

As for the days of our life they contain seventy years,
Or if due to strength eighty years,
Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;

For soon it is gone and we FLY away

Who understands the power of your anger
and your fury according to the
FEAR THAT IS DUE TO YOU?

So teach us to number our days
that we may present to you
a heart of WISDOM

Do return O Lord;
How long will it be?
And be sorry for your servants

O satisfy us in the morning with
Your LOVINGKINDNESS
That we may sing for joy and be glad ALL our days.

Make us glad according to the days you have afflicted us
and the years we have seen evil.

Let your work appear to your servants
And your MAJESTY to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm the work of our hands;
YES CONFIRM THE WORK OF OUR HANDS.

its official

i need You.

bad.

Posetev Is How Mi Live

The rasta emerges from deh bush
shakes dem dreads and walks
past you
barefoot on the the brown clay.
The children play
barefoot too
running on cobblestone pink roofs
take in the sea breeze
sweet and salt
pick a hibiscus hold it close to yo mout.
drink some ginger root
join da calypso tracks
and sway yo back.
"we goin down ta Sunny Isle mehson
to chill dem sum time
yall wanna come?"
"Chupps"...grab ya some ice and sum wada ids hot
en dis herr sun
mehson.
Wer yo walk down dem tick road
let dem worrys die.
it had been no fun
anyways
driven in daht high life.
Ima walk
barefoot
where mi fada grew.
down in dah bush
St. Croix wit mi crew

Rev-evaluating the heart of writing

Coming around again
running in the circle again
You showed me clear
I write for me
I go to write
to feel and breathe
and hide
and cry...
but your ears
when your ears..
when your arms
were waiting for me!
more than my pen
more than my ruffed up
tuffed up
journal
tough paper that can not speak.
as Henry died, Hemingway wrote
He regretted all the things he could never pen again
memories and stories thrown up in smoke.
He died in despair because his immortal flame
died within him and did not live on in words
but do i not live on through you?
Let my only regret be i didn't give my words to you!
words attached to my heart
which you bought.
They were given and I used them
to build a safe place for myself
I see it
melting down by waves.
So I take my pen to the rock again
and ill give it back to You
to build.
don't stop Lord
don't stop writing in me.
Write in me
so I can write back
to You.

flipping through an old journal a couple days ago
Iwas stabbed in the heart. Chris Gatlyns quote:

"Being Humble is not thinking of yourself less
its not thinking of your self AT ALL."

What would it be like if you were more dedicated to the success and growth of someone else, than of yourself?

Notes from pastor brian

Art is fearlessness or rather courage in the face of fear.
Artists have this in common with children- they learn to play in the face of fear.
To create is to be vulnerable.

There was a moment when we looked at someone's creation and said 'art is not my thing'-we felt inadequate.
Artists say no to that idea. They say no to the pressure. We were designed for risk.
God did not design us to be afraid. Sin and loss of innocence has brought in fear.
As soon as we lower risk in one area we heighten risk in another.(example- more people die walking within MARKED crosswalks then people walking within UNMARKED crosswalks)

why is it that when two wonderful forms of art come together it is better?
We may be able to go to the sculptor and thank him for his magnificent work...but who made the materials? Who gave him the ability?
To whom do I go when I watch a sunset? When I stand on the edge of the grand canyon?

Only God can create out of nothing. He also was the first to create out of His own creation. He planted the garden.

Artists remind u to play in the face of pain.

Two paths in life:

1. Walking the road of Pleasing God
=Effort and "Being all God wants me to be"

or

2.Walking the road of Trusting God
=Humility and "Living out of who God says I am"

-Truefaced

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

"When we come to know Christ, He sows a new dream in our hearts."

Waking

you brought me here
whispered me away
in this quiet morning
placid.
i catch my breath in the newborn light
it grows and glows the trees
around me gold
i sit and wait in
delight
the rustle of waking moves me
Cascades soft.
those birds one or two
cry out
im a special piece in this elaborate puzzle.
detailed sketch
fearfully drawn.
you set me, this piece aside today
to take the jumbles of words
inside me
untangle and unbind them again.
And your Words this morning
float from
thin pages.
sharp like daggers
on breeze.
tucking
gently
into my chest.
Me the runner.
i won't run today.
the wake hum grows louder but i
am still.
in your light
I see light.


psalm 36

Father
I realize that
You know me
best.
and its okay
it is okay
to be unknown sometimes
to be misunderstood
or misinterpreted
because all of my performance
can be nothing to you
as applauds from others
drown the scene
you stand still for you know my heart
and you ask me to put down my work
and return
really return to you.

Jeremiah 2-4

thank you for not giving me what i want
from keeping me in this place
of hunger
so that i can see
my deep need for you
and that nothing will satisfy

thank you for showing me Jeremiah 2-4
and for reminding me of broken cisterns
the ones i made and run to in thirst
that have holes on the bottom.
how these years have been leaking
through idols
and how wen i was full
i was drinking from you
thank you that when i am lying in
hopelessness
your word gives me a dose of
strength to get up
to armor up
to believe
that your love is real
that this romance is real
and i am not alone.

i long for your freedom again
where did i go?
running from the promise land
did i down the milk and honey?
and run into other hands?
well its dark out here and quite cold
everyone thinks my jokes are old
im nothing new
they say
o well i think
another one another one
ive pushed away
i keep pushing them away
i keep pushing You away
i keep etching out a path bvig enough
for me to walk through to
run through im sweating hard my palms
ripe with blood
trying to get through a fortified road
built for leaving
for not coming home
my prize is somone
who knows me
but still wants to stay
i cant believe its true here
so yes i run away
but you told me i was it
you died and finished it
but i am a coward for sure
and seek other lovers
no my love is not pure.

where?
where?
did i
leave
my thoughts
who burnt up reason
and self control
i sit with a burning scroll
the paper crumbles
and i do
under your hand

i realize i write wen im emotional spent.. sad because i usually have happy things to say!

but tonight id just like to confess
so that i can breathe and heal a little
there are a couple things i hate
maybe just a small handul
one of them is
feeling like i am
too much.
or not enough
or not just right
or that i am an overdose
that my feelings are out of control
that i am out of control
and i think...maybe i am?
maybe i am too much or too little.
too messy to crazy
to obsessive or lazy
and maybe i know
and maybe it hurts
when i really know it.
like tonight.
when i just want to be adored
like this
like the overdose i am
the inadequacy i am.

tonight

misunderstood
drawing close
but all it does is repel
all i do is repel you


i keep jumping
bounds
and lines
i never saw them anyway
but you do and they do
the lines to keep me on this
side
to not be
too much

stay quiet girl
wait still girl
dont dont spam me
with yourself
with your feelings and likes
and laughs

your too much
stay behind the line
the wall
the fence
you cant come into
me.

i just wish
you'd understand
i apologize
but then again no

how can i be sorry
that i run and climb
to understand the otherside
to be in clear view of you
cant you see me now?
no.
even on the other side
all my details pulled out sharp
magnified in florescent
i am repulsive
and you turn off the light