Miss Wonderland

must tell me where you go
through the rabbits hole?
up and down the twisting roads
laden with gold
see me behind you?
im gasping for air
and you just stare
my friend
im running
clocks are ticking
and the country banjo plays
in my ears something
foreign and strange
you look deranged
in your white dress
a little dirty
what were you doing down cranberry lane
there is no fun and games
sit up and straight up.
what do you want?
your not good enough
look up in a hurry
tick tock
the mice have already scurried
and your 21 dont be dumb.
red lips thick put on a good smile
your okay keep going
but the room is spinning.
my friend its the life
we are living.
dont you want a piece?
eat and stay in wonderland
grab my hand keep going
there's much more in store
you must keep
showing off your
clean dress
wait
hide hide the rebels are on the
other side
you know they sit in the spring air above ground
and sing songs to someone whose not around
its really awful and filthy
come come no time to lose
can i choose?
no
no bind your hands pale
girl wonderland
tick tock
you have a show at 8
grab the cake
and icing too
dont forget your silver shoes
that lace up to the top of the knee
but i -
dont be silly
we all live in gold streets
hold on tight  be poised we will have
wonders tonight
the tunnel  spins round we run upside down
cake in hand careful dont, mess it up
or youll be band
bad awkward brand
from wonderland
here take a glass
of strawberry wine
youll need it every time
nothing like perfect wine
spray your curls you look drab
hurry hurry dont look so mad.
my shoes they are-
 no time tick tock
my shoes are dirty i say.
and you stop
and the spinning drops
the cake falls the mice collide
and im caught in your jealous eye.
no no!
again? you ask
sweat dripping off your melting mask.
you scream
covered in cream
the clocks on the wall they shine and
begin to crack and fall
you do not fit!
tick tock
you want to go straight up to the tree tops then?
the banjos stop.
go up where the rebels smile with no
fear?
you scream, you scream
and i run from you
Miss Wonderland
i run and run till the sun catches my hair
and until
my silver shoes unravel
and my wrinkled dress is
is mine.

they heard him talking in a thin
dinner
the sea breeze wafting through
the old rusty stools
with turquoise edges brimming with the sun
crash with a wave outside
crash subduing up the mundane chatter-
in the break he says
yea she was one of those girls
with a heart full and ravenous
like the sea
all pulled together tightly shut up like a dam
one push on her uneasy frame
and she is capsized
spilling out an ocean
all over the place.
what happened? they asked, they asked.
i couldn't reach her he mumbled, he craved.
she sank.
bellow in the-
wait, wait the ocean was in her chest?
yes now stop now-
looked up roaring in his face
crash crash
he blinks.

she couldn't hold that black tide
of her waves.

i have a hole in my face
im pushing hot coffee through the hole
in my face
making it whole up
everything else is limp and cold
hot now it burns.in me
trudging through
the hole in my face
my hands the feeder and nothing more

hey God
all my motivation has drifted away like the river
running dry. theres none left and
i dont know
i know at least that
i need you
i mean
im pretty useless.
and i seem to have a very thin internal drive
for moving forward
God how can i go days
not listening close to you?
why do i only feel okay helping someone read or
write.
then i come home and
fall apart
apart and apart
all myself
unravels
and leaves me bare
on the floor.
this is who i am
i am afraid
naive fatigued of fighting
in war
i am dark circled and
pale
 and i am needy and frail.
i want and i have passion
but it is thrown back in my mouth to swallow
so that i can rid the world of
uneasy feelings.
i am unwhole and broken
torn like a half eaten apple
discarded and waiting
to be crushed.
but as i recall
this is who i was before i met you
then when i walked by you looking up in
you
i was new. full and bright
creases of smiles in your day and
warmth at your night.
but have i drifted so far
to see my core again?
the cold wind says it is
so.