cant move

in a bottle-cap
a red one
it has rusted edges
and dream drops
they stay,
nestled
within its metallic core.
cant breech out they close
the glass up
in the bottle-
under the bottle cap they nap asleep.
they breathe in and out slowly
barely.
locked inside
forever under a faded
map-
revealing the shape of
a suffocating bottle.
the map stretches out
the world.

how many times?
will i leave empty handed
with broken pieces in my hands
watching someone else whole
watching someone else put together
and loved
and held
how many times will i hold myself
while the circle
the circle of
black tears pulls me in
over and over again

its okay.
ill get over you
i know im not white
and i dont stand out to you
its okay
ill get over you
ill ask for the strength
ill beg for it.
its okay
 ill swallow any tears
hard hard
swallow hard
till they
are all gone
you made it obvious i know
you showed me clear
mesmorized by another
your eyes never falling on me
your knees bent infront of
a white statue with
perfect lines
not a messy girl
confused likeme.
you wanted me to know
that i
am nothing
i am everyone i am anyone.
i dont need you anyway
i never needed you.
i only craved.
i only admired
and dreamed
and ill wake up now
ill wake up
im sorry i will wake up.

i feel small
again unseen
like the bud of a flower
hidden in the dirt
im lonely and covered
and cold
today i am confronted with
separation
of those i know and love
and someone i do not know
confronted with the changing of this season
seeing clear that
death is coming
coming on him quick
he wont get to die 
where he wants 
or will he
and i am not there
..do i even care..
i can not know.
i know nothing of
death
i never let the fear of it
show.

I Have Heard about the Days of old
About the men who followed You
And how they saw the Supernatural
And became the chosen few
So I come before You now
Tearing off my earthly crowns
for this one thing I have Found

I want Faith Like That
To see the dead rise
or to see You pass by
Oh I, I want Faith Like That
Whatever the cost
I'll suffer the loss, Oh I
I want Faith Like That

I'm not Looking for a miracle
Signs and Wonders are things thereof
I caught a glimps of what You want from me
and what I have is not enough
I read the story one more time
of Those who gave to You Their lives
With no fear or compromise


I want the Faith That can move any mountain
and send them to the sea
I want the Faith that can break every stronghold
That keeps you, keeps you from me

I want Faith Like That
To see the dead rise
or to see You pass by
Oh I, I want Faith Like That
I want Faith Like That
To see the dead rise
or to see You pass by
Oh I, I want Faith Like That
Whatever the cost
I'll suffer the loss, Oh I
I want Faith Like That, a Faith like that

wanting what i cant have
wanting
wanting
but i dont know when is best
what is best
i can want
something
deadly
and naively chase it

do i remember that You are faithful?

copeland- Dorie

He's in love with tragedy, in love with tragedy
She was a wreck, but he loved her
She was a wreck, but so was he
And the last time he saw Dorie, he didn't know what to say
"Thank you because you loved me,
It's all on me cause I didn't want to stay, I didn't want to stay..."

Live, live, live, live because you
Love, love, love and love will make you
Give, give, give and give in when you
Break, break, break but you just want to
Fix yourself just to break again..

  for my image of woman in lit class we read several amazing stories and poems that at the heart speak about the oppression and suppression of woman throughout history. Another central theme however is the idea that God and Christianity has taken away freedom from women. The concept is that woman should reclaim their Self with a capitol S. they should reclaim their sexuality and embrace their imaginations and sexuality with no bounds. Any boundary is a hindered to the "Self". This was very grievous because although it is terribly true that woman have and continue to be denied self expression , we should not however blame God for human wickedness. And to retaliate embrace not just creativity and imagination but embrace rebellion against God.Not realizing that true life, true identity is and freedom is found in knowing Christ. So i decided to write a response to the poem "Eve by Dorothy Livesay because it covers general themes we explored through the class. I pray God will heal our women and we can find solace and our desires rooted in his Truth.

'EVE' BY Dorothy Livesay

Eve

Beside the highway

at the motel door

              its roots

the last surviver of a pioner

                 orchard

miraculously      still

                bearing

A thud another apple falls

               I stop     and O

that scent, gnarled, ciderish

                with sun it

that woody pulp

                 for teeth and tongue

                 to bite and curl around

that spurting juice

                earth-sweet!

In fifty seconds, fifty summers sweep

              and shake me-

I an alive!      can stand

                up still

hoarding this apple in my hand.

Creative response to Eve p 595

Poison Apples

As you rush to reclaim

Everything you think

Is yours

Do you spill

With joy

Or are you hungry for more?

Are you sure your prize will keep you

Alive?

Is there something you do not know,

Feigning eyes?

About the fruit that grows grows

Sick

Deep

Out of your soul into hoarding palms?

And what if all the

Laws carved rough

In a slab of stone,

Were not to strike you,

Not to Leave you empty

scratched out and erased;

  

Oh no but instead to reveal

the richest of tastes?

you  will

Fall short.

You have;

Look at the scars on your knees and

Know more will come.

But friend,

To swallow

A healing cup filled with Grace-

Bought by a Lover’s clean blood

Purchased to clean you up­;

Oh------- the taste!

Enough to drop the poison apple,

Touching your lips.

Keep your Free hands open.

Let go to live let it go to

Live.

god are you just my inspiration
my helper
my example


no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
be my savior
i need a savior

my turbulent emotions
i need psalm 84
i need you God.

SO you know

i must be going utterly insane
currently
because my thoughts are pounding strong
loud raging
unforgivingly against thin white walls
and ready to break!
reverberating
resounding
how they break break
through my lists of to dos
i watch my tall buildings
crash swiftly to the ground.
and all i see beyond my screen or the talking
crowds is you..

its you
oh its you!
at every corner feeling
you leaving me timid
and bare.
and there is no pill
no cure.
check me in
for i am weak
and useless.
rapid illness
let me begin to heal
by the pain of a cold brutal retreat,
ripping you away forever or
an undeserved fruition of hope.
but how can solace delay any longer?
These books must not still be in place
unopened- untouched.
my buildings
must be rebuilt-
but how?
with my struck
eyes lit up and dazed
a mind
choked and
glazed. 
crying
with desire.

i miss someone i have never met.


from boy meets girl

Song of the Day: "Anything"- Mae

Love,
It's the wave I ride,
That won't ever reach the shore.
Overwhelmed by the tide
And wanting nothing more, tonight.
Than to take this time
And make it all mine.
It's coming around again.


Hope,
It's the light that strikes,
That burns inside of me.
It's a blinding light,
But somehow I can see, again.
When I've lost my way.
It's becoming very clear.
And its coming around again.

Every now and again sometimes,
I get lost on the wind of a dream.
The air gets clean and the seas get wide.
And I can do anything.
The pain it won't even cross my mind.
There is wonder in everything.
The rope gets loose and the chains unbind.
And I can do anything.

Somewhere between the darkness and the light.
My spirit takes to flight.
The colors fill the sky,
And I am free

oh sweet indolence
thou will be
the death of me
sip deep coffee
grown on the bright
side of the world
here in a quiet room
rapture the silence with rich
music
please.

abba
show me how to 
trust
trust
trust you
instead of heaping my head
with ashes and dust
wearing a tin crown of worry.
abba abba
you clothe the flowers of the field
they are here today
and float away tomorrow.
abba you withhold
nothing
nothing
good.
you are 
my good father
and you know me well
and you know deeply
what i need.
even when i cry-
"i want abba i want------"
you silence me gently
you quiet my complaints
and you show me your jealous 
 love 
enveloping me 
wooing me.
here,
take my plastic pearls
ill wait for the real ones
should i cry if they do not come?
can i?
abba you are still mine..
how can i repine?

in other words...
i love you.

invisible

you
make me feel
like ann hathaway
in princess diaries
but not the pretty princess
dressed in pale blue
spinning around the
gold christened room
no.
but the girl with frizzy dark hair
legs sprawled
blending with the sad walls
eyes pasted on the cement ground.
she is silent.

She who sat on a bench alone,
and you sat on her and yelled
OH MY!
then walked away briskly
in disbelief that you accidentally sat on a person-
that unsightly creature
whom you did not notice.
yes,
i was to you as a cement bench-
you took a bend
and ran!

rescuer of Beasts

you looked at me and i was ashamed
i looked wild and unkept
blind tretcherous and dark
but you kept me fore you and watched me run
and tear
myself apart
and anyone
who dared
to wound---
me
i was a beast in front of you
and you stopped me
threw an arrow into my bitter heart
and let me fall apart
you held me while i cried
and you healed me picked me up and took me inside
cleaned me up and made me your bride
i didnt know how to laugh how to live
i walked in every direction
almost fell off a cliff
but you took me by my right hand
and guided me gently
you touched my troubled eyes
and gave me vision to see
your unfailing love for..... me?
Somedays i forget where to walk
and then i choose my lonely paths
acting out savagely
still i remember that isn't who i am
and then i am lovingly brought back
to the only place where i can be
clean forgiven and free.

clinging desperately
beside
Christ
the rescuer
of beasts.

repent

repent
you call to me
me? wretched?
how can i be able to turn
God what do i do?
leave all fiend hard
become a fool for you?
broken,
i must look away
no strength inside to save
what now do i stop?
all my tears spread out for you to mop?
sin no more you whisper, knelling down
but how can i be holy
with no strength to turn around?
you give me your hand
making all things new
only you can make me
turn, trust and follow you.

i am a mess. so are you.

if you saw the well spring inside of me you
would be afraid.
my deep turbulent waves,
they are too much weight.
heavy in my own chest,
falling
and breaking and leaking
through
a pounding drum heart
splashing vivid orange and red
covering the open world, gray
and unprepared.
people watch they blink
and whisper
"absurd".
i just ignore.
bend down and mop
my sick mess
on the floor
and wonder how to stop the flow
that is so offensive
with no control.
why doesn't my heart stay quiet and neat?
why must it pulsate and leak?
those girls, they walk
with gentle smiles
coy eyes; tempered mild,
they pass by ---
.dry.
and me?
i hold all this
in my chest
the rest dripping from
my open palms
pours from my fingers.
exposed;
a mess.

roughly my convo with Q today

mo: how do u surrender good things to God? like a person?
quina: well you have to everday
mo: o
quina: its a daily surrender, picking up your cross
mo: ya i guess i was thinking it would just hit me.. and then the day would come that i truly surrender that thing
and those songs"i surrender all" ive been singing God i want to surrender all!"
quina: we need His help!

fesit- if you havent listened to her.. please do!

this is how i feel about feist and her musical genius-


"This is how my heart behaves"

it takes me to a snowy part of the woods
and then to log cabins and apple ciders

and London and flowers and

cups of tea.

its gold liquid sunshine

in a cup

to drink 

and sometimes

it spills on white

table clothes 

making them better

and bright.

its like walking
so slow 

on a breezy

warm day

tall grass

a fortress guarding a smooth path

touch the

stalks

and your fingers are alive

white dress moves in the air

each crisp step

floating on 

spiraling black notes

tea cups still spilling

gold sun

and it catches inside your eyes...

they are gold too.

Do the thing you fear.

do i want what i want,
or do i want what He wants
no matter what it might cost?



"My heart, I knew, would forever be a lonely hunter
unless settled where true joys are to be found."-- Elizabeth Elliot

Love,
Let your hands stay open with my gifts.

dont clench them so
that you do not see me
that you forget who lowered them into your open palms
keep them open for me
and trust that
I know best
when to give
when to take away
keep your hands open
and eyes upwards towards me


"let your heart always be on trail before God"


Do you love me more than________?

benjah- Cuz we know him

sometimes i
just smile
cuz he
picked me to see
ya ya now i see

sometimes i
give thanks
cuz he
saved me some my flesh
yaya from myself

me and my fam. we
are free indeed
cuz we have seen the LIGHT YA!

the park- feist

"The Park"

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you

With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past

wake me from
my sick dream God
that 
everything
EVERYTHING
is all about me
shake me from this 
blind walking
this lie talking
this plastic world
and plastic things 
and plastic love and
plastic food
not nuturing
but
vomiting
im missing your grace
im missing my faith

grace through faith
redemption through faith
the power of God
chosen
taken back
spilled love
in blood
all youve done one
giant sum
purchased at the price
of Gods holy Son
will i remember today
and forget tomorow
days of sorrow
bc i waste
in shame
not awknowledging your stains
that
already
freed me

you dont even realize...

we all need a savior

run
inside and hide
shy away he crowd

in your quiet place
yell laugh cry hug smile
fall
into your
empty room
melodious sounds lifeting high
high
about your small roof
let your thoughts simmer
boil
down
have you ever felt
that you needed to close
your mouth
and walk away from
even those you love
mixing they mix
with the voice of God
cant find him cuz u dont have time
to drown out
every one else

what a beautiful mess im in

wake up
hearing the voice strong in those ears
"ring in a pigs snout
beautiful but filled with fears"
roll out of bed how to make the right decisions?

its all subjective
make them we will see what happens..
no.

but what of that pounding sensation
in your throat
as you pause in the mirror
eyes clear bursting green
in the early morning.
deep in the crevices
of your silk beating
life pump;
streams of
truth flowing
through you
up to wide eyes;
they stare back.

ignore.
look away so you can save face
clutching to things that make you feel alive
deep down you know it will
lead you to die.

temping looks and emotions
you must feel wanted
known and cherished?
get it from kind hearts... even though they
perish with you?
you fight and create a broken path
each time you let go of waiting because
"if he looks away again.."
you couldn't...bear..

open the doors
with your makeshift confidence
but then hes standing there
the challenge to all your fears
too good to imagine
even with many flaws
loving and surrendered
focused and handsome
secure and more.



not yours
maybe never.
but youve gone your own way
torn your love letter
given up on the idea
your a ring in a swines snout
no discretion, you let yourself out
onto the platters of the hungry.
leaving Bethlehem for Moab.


still hes just an image of a greater man
a person with rough scars in his hands
enough - and in control over pitiful schemes
reminding who
your supposed to be
a woman who FEARS THE LORD.
she shall be praised.

let me wait on the floor of
your house by your feet
take me out of the snout
polish me so ill be clean

listen!

click here!! (beautiful mess) love this song random..i know

TAKE THE WORLD.
BUT GIVE ME
JESUS.

simply amazing..

how about you- Frank Sinatra

lies --trifonic (click here!)

love it..

you take me the way i am.. (click here!!)

breathe me--click!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxZuwvCSwQg

i am wondering
how you can go from devotion
to cold
standing
and retreating
numb and
indifferent
disobedience.
relying on mercy
so as to survive
and not be shattered from
your high post and flimsy
fort.

white pale
bare feet
glowing
like unmortal
light
the only thing to see
between
the long dark pillars
of grass.
each step silent
in a drowning,sleeping
morning.
dont make a sound
the dirt
is wet
the glow
being sobered by
the dark gray dough
dressing the
soles.

Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.



--------------------------


Jeremiah 17:8 "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

paramore -exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

its funny how
true writing
never lies
but always reveals
the condition of ones heart.

i pray that as days go by
i will type words with more life
that are ripe and drench those who read with
glorious hope
instead of my hollow words
shaped on a screen
sounding like
dry leaves
snapping, crushing
under the weight
of sorrowful feet.

in the rain
of my delerium
i sit
and watch it pour
dark rain
on a cool day
the sun gasping for space
flip through pages
eyes fixated
on black and red
printed words
tracing the thin
page with my fingers
looking for you
benethe the heavy
language

i will not
and do not
belong to
anyone
i will not belong to you.
you will have to pry
me away from the blood
filled hands of
my King
for He rescued me
but you didnt.
i know
i have given you those
eyes
and some affection
flows
like waves between us
but im never yours
and never will be
 you dont know Him as
i do.

John 5:40-40 But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.

i find it interesting that
i look for You in the madness
in chaos and noise..
and then i cry because i cant hear you speak to me
you are there all along
but i refuse to
come away with you
to quiet my heart
and let the weight of solitude
push me down
and burn my ears with
your echoing
whispers of truth.

"come to me...
find a quiet place.."



Isaiah 66:3-4—“Yea, they have chosen their own ways and their soul delighteth in their abominations . . . when I called, none did answer; when I spoke, they did not hear; but they did evil before mine eyes, and chose that in which I delighted not.”

still

i will wait as long as
possible.
even as i sit and look up
at the night sky.
i will keep looking
until
circles of
shimmering
white
all fade out.. and the sky is left black
like a rolling sea.
my face tilted up
ever in the sweet air
i see shadows of
them
they throw flowers at my feet
reds and yellows
friendly fellows
but i let them wilt
into wet
grass.
my skin is cold
then brilliant in spring winds
and then i am
brown under sharp rays.
but oh
i still wait.
i dance under
purple clouds and sing in slow
falling
rain.
tonight the last star
whispered
goodbye
and finally
i could see
new light.
in anothers
waiting eyes.

oh i cant go back.
i have experienced you once
and all that You entail
a spring of unspeakable
joy
comfort and
fullness.
i will not be content with anything else
no matter what tower i build or
 lover i meet
or good i pour
pour out
it all is dry
breaking apart
and flies away in
the hot wind
i will not move without You.

Waiting for Godot

Pozzo-...."They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then its night once more."


---my professor said that he knows nothing in liturature that more accurately depicts the human condition. He then said this is how he felt when his daughter died only after a couple weeks of being born. Ohthe heart wrenching things you learn in Lit class..still i wish I could offer him hope. There is hope.

i want to run
a thousand miles
away.
where no one
knows me
where i am free of shame
where i dont look needy
but simple
and care free...
but i cant
run away from me.
from the fact that no one can fill
my empty heart
no matter how much love they pour , pour out
i am still left parched..
afraid that soon ill push every one away..
because i search for love and more in their wake
but no one can give me enough
to smile.
i left the river of Life
and my pale is
tossed to  the side.
ive tried to pick it up and pull for more
but the water slips out
of the bottom from some rusty holes
ive patched them up but somehow the
water still breaks through
and i am left wondering
what happened to me
and You.

i can not expect Your life
when i keep 
clenching tight to mine.

i keep coming back to you
let me
respond to you
let me respond
to you
for what you have done
for how you allowed me to
awake
in consciousness
and feel
and breath
in a world
you designed
for your glory.
let me look up to you and
scream of joy
because you
are here
dont let me God
walk with my eyes on myself
dont let me
worship
other people
other things
show me how God
to love you
look how i close my mind to your magesty!
your greatness your holiness!
look how i walk away
and tell myself
to forget you
to focus on
the here and now
but you are here and now
and you were then and will be
and you
are the only One who knows me
each day i take my gaze locked on my
cheap treasures
i miss out on having
a heart of flesh
open eyes
and adventurous steps
you are worthy.
God please
give me the gift of
faith.

lonely

the world is fading away and the lusts there of
the lusts of people
people beautiful
they crowd my vision
they are always
here
always present
in the next room
sleeping just outside
on the couch
dreaming away
a million miles away
but
they are still
here.
breathing
the same air as me
people to talk to
to look at
to laugh with and cry with
to be with
and
when they all leave all gone
spearate ways
off to this trip and that
some howi coulndt get away
i tried to not be alone
but
here i am
and what a peculiar feeling
to wash dishes
and tidy up your room
with no one around the corner
no one to fill the space
in an empty home.
the dishes echo and bounce off the walls
im too little to fill an entire space.

be thou my vision

God dont let my own visions get in the way of seeing you. 3. Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight, Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight. Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower. Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power. 4. Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

5. High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

laura welch ---"The deeper longing is to be content with being known by God, Abba, King, Saviour, O Rock that is Higher than I, Keeper, Life-giver, Bigger than life, Generous Creator of the Universe, Lover of your soul. No one is like him. and no one knows you like him."


God thank you for showing me this, through real scenes in my life.
you keep showing me time and time again
to stop idolizing people.
forgive me.
i have set certain people up high
as mom says (the Justin Timerlake phenomena) 
but this is not needed
my life can not be modeled by other people
Abba Father is my example... my guide
His affirmation is what keeps me
secure.
that is what i desire-His love
His affirmation
is what i want and need
even though i seek for it 
other ways
from other people.
oh these idols!
break them.. continue to break them 
to show me
that all falls to the side
when compared with you.

not allowed copeland(in some way describes me tonight)

Here we go
I'll smile for you now 'cause you're sad
but I'm not allowed to be sad
Here we go
I'll make a joke for you now, make you smile
but I'm not allowed to be sad

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why

Here we go
I'll burn for you now cause your're mine
and you're not allowed to feel nothing
Careful I may fall apart for you now, make you cry
But I'm not allowed to be sad

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why?

Turn away fallen on the inside from your sky
Felt no pain and didn't ever want to wonder why?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mxqc99nvFyM

honestly
you will no longer
have the opportunity
to see me.
i will disappear
like the light fog
after the early morning
has awakened.
you will wonder where i am
and look for me
through the halls
and
around every
corner
but you will not find me.
because you
did not
see me
when i was standing
right in front of you.
i was transparent
beneath
your frozen eyes.

sometimes, i just wanna be known.

please,
if u must love me
love me for who i am.
not who you think i am.
please don't think you have me figured out
just by observation
or casual talk.
please remember
that God looks at the heart..
would you look at my heart too?

adele-hometown glory

round my hometown
the memories are fresh
round my hometown
oh, the people i have met...
are the wonders of my world
are the wonders of my world,
are the wonders of this world.

Mat. 6:33

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

pick up your cross DAILY
and follow me.
oh but look..how this year
has become all
about
me.
no death to self
and therefore
no life
just colorless
motions.
but im longing to be freed again
and i know well that nothing else will do.
how many times must i wrestle in the valley
to come again to the place
where my self
must leave
and you must be Lord
of all of me?

Come to the Lover
You who want,
and you'll
want no more.

easter sunday -brian

our desire
for justice
for a judge
to come and
make things right
is a cry
an evidence
for
the merciful
and just
judge
of Jesus Christ.

easter sunday-one story brian and his son

he watched his son as he was separated from him in an overcrowded mall
in the Philippines.
he could see his son but his son could not see him.
but he remembered that he had taught his son luke, that whenever he was lost
or they got separated, to just stand still.He told him with passion, "stand still and Daddy will always find you." so instead of going and grabbing his son,
he crouched down in the crowded mall
and through the passing people, watched Luke, to see if he remembered.
Luke shuffled his feet with looks of nervousness
searching scanning with his eyes
the questions growing in his mind, "where is Daddy?""am i alone?"
He watched his sons expression go from nervousness,
to fear, almost frantically looking around now, but still not moving-
he watched his fear melt into despair,
as Luke hung his head to the floor,
he had lost hope.
The father couldnt take it any longer- he rushed to Lukes side and gathered him in his arms.
the look of relief coming all over the boy.
Brian looked at his son who was now beaming with a smile, and said
"i am so proud of you, you waited right where you were!" "What did I tell you Luke?"
"I don't remember.." he said
"Daddy, will always find you."

and isnt that like us? we search search for God and try so hard. We go in a million directions. And when we cant find Him we ask where is God? Am i really alone? Are we alone? But we have forgotten, that He will always find us.

easter sunday-brian our pastor

there is no beauty with out light... Jesus floods light into our life
so we can SEE the messy house.
and actually have the chance to truly clean it
and we notice with the light in the room
the beautiful color of the walls or texture of the floors,
beauty we never saw before.
Jesus is the light-and without it beauty can not be acquired or seen.

When jesus enters in-we are EXPOSED.

WHEN YOU KNOW
THE INTENT
OF THE CREATOR--
THE PIECE OF ART THEN COMES TO LIFE.
NEW LIFE AND BEAUTY IS BROUGHT TO IT.
THIS IS WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR US.

michael buble-you dont know me

You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well...
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me.

what i learned from Eddie

(at Debs house a group of us sitting at eddies feet basically, and listening to his wisdom given to him by God.)

you cant hold up an image.
it takes ..too...much...work.
take off the mask.

we all have a trash can we carry round.
we can leave the trash in there or try to fix it ourselves.
(this will never work)

or we can dump the trash out on the table-in front of Jesus. He will put His arm around us, and say--"lets work on this together."

good trees bear good fruit. it may be winter time and your fruit inst as much as in spring, but if you are planted by the water, with your roots deep, your still there. God doesn't lose us through seasons.

Clean the inside of the cup, then the outside will shine too.

not to be taken too seriously

honestly
if i look like
im bored
its because
i am lacking
a conversation
tossed with wit.
if i tilt my head
to the side
or find a way
to be silent
and appear rather awkward,
sitting in a corner hands crossed
just so,
i am missing
loud outbursts of laughs
and stories that span cultures.
and i may be falling short of
your humor

not pretty clothes or
smells of jasmine and rose
painted cherry
on your parted
once
pale
lips.
not
the brown curls that twist and
turn
round your
olive face
and green eyes
scanning the whole
place.
not
your freckled nose
and soft glowing
skin
eyes scan scan
lashes turned
upward
skyward
painted black.
painted
figure
you walk with grace
tall
slim
you glide
across
the room.
but would you wash
and scrub
and see
yourself
inside.

...but God looks at the heart...

my heart
is to bring Him glory
to know Him and follow Him
to love Him.
performance is nothing
and would i want some one to love me simply based on my performance
oh i hope it would never be
because on those days
when my hands are weak and
no one sees
any good deeds
coming from me
id hope id be loved for
more than what the eye beholds
or what you have been told!
for my God loves me-
adores me for my heart
and that is what i pray draws you
to me.

i am
so done with--
DONE!

Psalm 14:12-18

THERE IS A WAY THAT SEEMS RIGHT TO A MAN
BUT IN THE END IT LEADS TO DEATH
13 Even in laughter the heart may ache
and joy may end in grief
14 the faithless will be fully repaid for their ways
and the good man rewarded for his
15 A SIMPLE MAN BELIEVES ANYTHING
BUT A PRUDENT MAN GIVES THOUGHT TO HIS STEPS
16 A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil
BUT A FOOL IS HOTHEADED AND RESTLESS
17 A QUICK TEMPERED MAN DOES FOOLISH THINGS,
AND A CRAFTY MAN IS HATED
the simple inherit folly
but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

pondering through past pages
on a blue freight train
trudging
back wards
through a snowy fog
wake up in the rush
of a small moment
of clarity
run to its steel doors break through
and fall
till your feet find some sturdy ground
all you can do is run now
in the opposite direction
passing stranges;
objects of fiction
swimming through crowds pushing as you fight through
getting to the present
much harder than you thought
fighting against the faces and places you
you once forgot

we are microscopic

( i wrote this on a four hour plane ride from LA to Orlando at 3 in the morning. And felt there was no need to refine it because it was pure and natural like when you laugh or cry. Thank God for writing.)

Im sitting on a plane
just turned on the light
probably awoke everyone.
i am painfully awake
restless, in this rigid state
faces of people blank with heads tilted upward
dreams slipping in and out of their minds-
why not mine?
why am i stricken with unending
thoughts.
restless spirit-
Bring us home Abba.
As the plane tilts back
and forth floating up
and down through thick
wind.
the people yawn and
their sleep droans on through
the heavy sound of
the pulsing air
it cradles their dreams
but cuts through mine like
spliting an apple
with a snapping crack
I find no soothing rhythm
in the bouncing, trembling
plane.
I find no solace in the dim
lit isles and powdered smell
sifting through the mixed air
but then alas- is this a glimmer of hope?
Millions of bright
lights
sparkle together through
oval windows
connecting,spinning
golden shapes-squares
and circles and diamonds-Tiny
world bellow magic with
magic lights and unearthly
glow-landing in
this crystal land- we
become small, and one of them.

march 1,2010

i love Malta
after a good dinner
thrown together.
dripping lemon chicken
and green vegetables
and of course spoon after spoon of
creamy potatoes.
with cheery friends around the bar stools
talking in tangy island lingo
i love the feeling
that your not alone
when the dishes are piled to the side
and the company is gone.
sitting satisfied
in a room with fresh laundry
laying 'round.
books and papers have found their own
home.
i sit in this room
of potential
not ready just yet
to act..
but hope is already a fire
sparked
its burning now soft.
every where i look..
among the tossed cloths and
unopened books.
i am basking
in this glow.

the idea of love
when it is wet and rainy
and cold
and when no one understands your thoughts
the voice of love
when you are confused
and scribbling letters on dry faded
yellow paper
the touch of love
when you cry
the door shut
being quite
hiding a wound
the words of love
through
thin
crackling
pages
each word
carves like a knife
at your guarded heart
the action of love
your hopes
fears and failures
your harsh words, unloving glances-
your heart sinking in disbelief-
pinned down and paid for.
the look of love
when you finally meet the eyes
of your savior.

"my stomach feels like it just got hugged."

-after having a lovely evening at ichiban Japanese cuisine! :)

my desire for you
is great
it consumes my thoughts
my today
i am overwhelmed
by the longing
the longing for your presence
it stirs me
deeply and there is no rest
until i find it in you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaEEEPU2MgA


Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear



I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

im so happy they re- did this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8znYPXhZFA

this is just so good- John Donne

AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise, 5
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ; 10
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove 15
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss. 20

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so 25
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam, 30
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just, 35
And makes me end where I begun.

feed them

overflow my heart like a cup spilling
spilling out on a dry ground
the water floats, then soaks in deep.
Lord fill me and let me seep into
a craving mass..
People, every tongue and nation
mouths open, heads up.
I see the tears, they are running down
white, brown, gold faces
young and wrinkled
timid and bold
eager hungry in anticipation.
mouths open, eyes closed...
waiting for salvation.

put down your paper plate
come to the table made
deep blue china
found on the table by the wine
so fine

it brings out flavor
like You bring out color in life

oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
unfortunately high
ironically dissatisfied
i miss You
i miss You

oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember

i had a fleeting thought this morning
and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know You in part
and not to be with You where You are



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKui87z3l3o

woah

It was once said that the wallet is the "last frontier"-- that it’s the last thing that comes to God in surrender. But it should be the first, along with our surrendered heart. Jesus spoke much about money. He said that we cannot serve God and mammon (see Matthew 6:24). The word "mammon" was the common Aramaic word for riches and it signifies "that which is to be trusted." In other words, either money is our source of joy, our sense of security, the supplier of our needs -- or God is.

When you give, make sure you do so with a cheerful heart. Our giving should be a systematic and purposeful giving to the church where we fellowship (see 2 Corinthians 9:7). It should be in response to need (see Acts 11: 27-29). It should be sacrificial (see Galatians 2:10), and should be done in secret with a humble heart (see Matthew 6:1-4). It is a key to spiritual fruit (see Luke 16:10-11).