not to be taken too seriously

honestly
if i look like
im bored
its because
i am lacking
a conversation
tossed with wit.
if i tilt my head
to the side
or find a way
to be silent
and appear rather awkward,
sitting in a corner hands crossed
just so,
i am missing
loud outbursts of laughs
and stories that span cultures.
and i may be falling short of
your humor

not pretty clothes or
smells of jasmine and rose
painted cherry
on your parted
once
pale
lips.
not
the brown curls that twist and
turn
round your
olive face
and green eyes
scanning the whole
place.
not
your freckled nose
and soft glowing
skin
eyes scan scan
lashes turned
upward
skyward
painted black.
painted
figure
you walk with grace
tall
slim
you glide
across
the room.
but would you wash
and scrub
and see
yourself
inside.

...but God looks at the heart...

my heart
is to bring Him glory
to know Him and follow Him
to love Him.
performance is nothing
and would i want some one to love me simply based on my performance
oh i hope it would never be
because on those days
when my hands are weak and
no one sees
any good deeds
coming from me
id hope id be loved for
more than what the eye beholds
or what you have been told!
for my God loves me-
adores me for my heart
and that is what i pray draws you
to me.

i am
so done with--
DONE!

Psalm 14:12-18

THERE IS A WAY THAT SEEMS RIGHT TO A MAN
BUT IN THE END IT LEADS TO DEATH
13 Even in laughter the heart may ache
and joy may end in grief
14 the faithless will be fully repaid for their ways
and the good man rewarded for his
15 A SIMPLE MAN BELIEVES ANYTHING
BUT A PRUDENT MAN GIVES THOUGHT TO HIS STEPS
16 A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil
BUT A FOOL IS HOTHEADED AND RESTLESS
17 A QUICK TEMPERED MAN DOES FOOLISH THINGS,
AND A CRAFTY MAN IS HATED
the simple inherit folly
but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

pondering through past pages
on a blue freight train
trudging
back wards
through a snowy fog
wake up in the rush
of a small moment
of clarity
run to its steel doors break through
and fall
till your feet find some sturdy ground
all you can do is run now
in the opposite direction
passing stranges;
objects of fiction
swimming through crowds pushing as you fight through
getting to the present
much harder than you thought
fighting against the faces and places you
you once forgot

we are microscopic

( i wrote this on a four hour plane ride from LA to Orlando at 3 in the morning. And felt there was no need to refine it because it was pure and natural like when you laugh or cry. Thank God for writing.)

Im sitting on a plane
just turned on the light
probably awoke everyone.
i am painfully awake
restless, in this rigid state
faces of people blank with heads tilted upward
dreams slipping in and out of their minds-
why not mine?
why am i stricken with unending
thoughts.
restless spirit-
Bring us home Abba.
As the plane tilts back
and forth floating up
and down through thick
wind.
the people yawn and
their sleep droans on through
the heavy sound of
the pulsing air
it cradles their dreams
but cuts through mine like
spliting an apple
with a snapping crack
I find no soothing rhythm
in the bouncing, trembling
plane.
I find no solace in the dim
lit isles and powdered smell
sifting through the mixed air
but then alas- is this a glimmer of hope?
Millions of bright
lights
sparkle together through
oval windows
connecting,spinning
golden shapes-squares
and circles and diamonds-Tiny
world bellow magic with
magic lights and unearthly
glow-landing in
this crystal land- we
become small, and one of them.

march 1,2010

i love Malta
after a good dinner
thrown together.
dripping lemon chicken
and green vegetables
and of course spoon after spoon of
creamy potatoes.
with cheery friends around the bar stools
talking in tangy island lingo
i love the feeling
that your not alone
when the dishes are piled to the side
and the company is gone.
sitting satisfied
in a room with fresh laundry
laying 'round.
books and papers have found their own
home.
i sit in this room
of potential
not ready just yet
to act..
but hope is already a fire
sparked
its burning now soft.
every where i look..
among the tossed cloths and
unopened books.
i am basking
in this glow.