we were wrong
dead wrong
dead spinning too
fast
and you pretended
pretended
till you couldnt anymore
and so did i
i tried to get
all in my head
in my heart
but it could never fit
right
and you were so far away
i could never hold on to you
i always thought i was a pretty accessory
i go with your shoes
and the steps that you take
would be mine too
but my craving for the outside
would rule
my wildness for life
would kill you
and your calculations
would kill me
how could we know?
when all we had were smiles
and entangled fingers
how did it crash into a dark mess of glass
on the floor?
i would lie a terrible lie
to say i dont miss you
the you i believed you were
with all my fears and
hesitations
i miss you the one who loved me more than
i thought anyone could
but you never knew me
and i never knew you
we loved phantoms
pieced together with glue
and stamps
and letters
that were never you and i
at all
you run you ran away
when i fall
i fall alone
and you are no one but a clone
of them and what you think is right
no critics allowed to wake you aloud with a cry
you are dumb and deaf to
love
to life
to sacrifice
you have you and you are enough
you have the open page to fill your godliness full of
never giving a thing
never missing a command
never loving like He did.
i cry when i think of you trapped in you.
i wish i could save you.
i wish i could save you from your values that eat you up into
nothing
if you do not have love you are nothing minister
nothing but a waste
i wish i could save you but you are gone
so gone no crying and screaming
can penetrate your heavy eyes
and i still have life in mine.