hey God
all my motivation has drifted away like the river
running dry. theres none left and
i dont know
i know at least that
i need you
i mean
im pretty useless.
and i seem to have a very thin internal drive
for moving forward
God how can i go days
not listening close to you?
why do i only feel okay helping someone read or
write.
then i come home and
fall apart
apart and apart
all myself
unravels
and leaves me bare
on the floor.
this is who i am
i am afraid
naive fatigued of fighting
in war
i am dark circled and
pale
 and i am needy and frail.
i want and i have passion
but it is thrown back in my mouth to swallow
so that i can rid the world of
uneasy feelings.
i am unwhole and broken
torn like a half eaten apple
discarded and waiting
to be crushed.
but as i recall
this is who i was before i met you
then when i walked by you looking up in
you
i was new. full and bright
creases of smiles in your day and
warmth at your night.
but have i drifted so far
to see my core again?
the cold wind says it is
so.