your absense (11/24/08)

my heart
is beating
and coming out of my chest
sinks low in my stomach
raises high to my throat
i want to throw it up
and let the sickness disappear.
when my eyes close
i see you.
and i cant anymore.
when i walk on a cloudy, chilly day
the trees all dead reaching helplessly
upward
for a taste of sun,
i wince as i see a reflection
of me inside their hollow branches,
searching.
if when i lay
and close my eyes,
walk under crystal skies,
laugh with low expectations,
and sit with shallow breathes,
i didn't see
your caring hands
grabbing the ends of my fingers
whispered words
and honest feelings.
creases around your smile,
and eyes glimmering with
tears of passion-
maybe i could ramble
through life's everydays,
with out the deafening
sound
of your absence.